Slowly organizing myself for battle. Going to pick up some Spring clothing apparel, going through ther books zI hope to be able to read for awhile, usually once chemo brain takes hold, it's difficult to read. so also organizing the DVDs I want to watch while getting chemo. I was a little tired of the strain and pressure of being pushed propelled into the chemo atmosphere. But forced myself to go to the gym to work out. Most people who go to the hospital havce bodies that sayt, "I just come honme, havce two drinks, eat and fall asleep in front of the TV." Accept the battle and fight.
And all these peoiple have popped up offering so much help and support, and the usual who only see helpiong someone else takes away frfom their own advancement, disappear, but I accept them for who they are--their problem is they accept themselves.
After I emerged from having cancer the second time, I found no one was interested in hiring a cancer survivor and experienced age-discrimination by people olderr and younger than me. It was trough. I was stunned no hospital, including Stanford and Dominican expressed no interest in hiring cancer survivors to help cancer survivors--instead they hire these useless politically correct women who talk about nutrition and spout Hallmark social work phrases. And radio was a bust because no one wanted to pay a living wage and give you benefits. Journalism definitely didn't pay. I wasn't NPR-enough and not a mind-over-fists to be a TED talk guy (Ther mental Musak for the overeducated who do nothing for society except claim they're so open-minded they never take a stand--unless it means looking down on the unenlightened. ) Nor will I allow cancer to define me, I want to life ahead to do that. I don't visit the graves of famous people or moments (Talk about wasting time! Do you think if someone was given their life back they would spent time going to graveyards?) The worst.
I'm not complaining. I'm just describing the landscape.
Then I thought, "That's their world not mine. And it's on them, not me."
What did I have that they didn't have? My life, which I fought for! Surfing, writing, stand-up, and wine harvest. I didn't care about those selfish goals survivors do for their own personal growth: marathons, mountain climbing--things other have done. I want to BRING IT TO OTHERS
I fought for a life so I would have something to offer, and nobody was going to tell me otherwise.
So I simply returned to my passions and wrote a funny cancer book (Today Cancer Tomorrow The World), and returned to pen mics to grind out a whole new Fred Talk. And I was getting a ton of support from the love I had and the lover I held for others. I worked part-time and scraped by, but after dealing with cancer, I wasn't going to accept the limited world being presented to me--that was for others, not me
And now cancer has come again.
All I know is I'm not giving up my quest. I told Wallace Baine of the Sentinel: "I feel like Don Quixoye, slouched over with a broken lance, and I'm seeing a dragon coming at me. And I can think is, "I got this."
So this Spring is an Offensive for me, I don't know how hard it's going to hit me, but I'm tightly coiled around acheiverd dreams, and I' launching myself, screaming, punching, laughing, roaring, firing out lines frtom the stage, writing, and clawing at its indifferent gelid mass, tearing out chunks and climbing over it, to get into another land, and hoping it sees and welcomes me.
Actually, the way I feel. That world doesn't have a choice either way. I'll never give cancer a running start.